I probably should’ve known when that sneaky weariness smacked me from out of nowhere late Monday morning.
I also should’ve known when I spent most of yesterday on the floor exhausted, but determined to stretch my way through those ugly twisting pains.
I really should’ve known by last night when I was trying to get my stiff self off that floor. Have you ever tried to do this when your knees and wrists hurt too much to lean on? Yeah … it’s not pretty.
Sorry you had to see all that, honey.
I definitely should’ve known when my alarm went off this morning and it took everything I had to pull myself out of that pit of weird sleep I get in sometimes. I’ve told you about this before. It’s like a vacuum, this sleep. It’s destructive. And it absolutely saps my strength.
Then I tried to go vertical. You’d think this would’ve told me. So stiff. So weak. But I pushed through anyways and finally made it to the kitchen.
Today I was supposed to put on my scrubs and go take care of my people. In my fog I was determined to pull myself together and make it happen, anyways. I was really going to do it. I just needed coffee to help me get there.
But then I smelled it brewing.
The smell was just too much. The queasies then kicked in on top of everything else and that’s when the light went on somewhere deep in my pea-brain and I finally knew.
Today I was not going anywhere.
The signs had been pointing in this direction for two days now, but I was ignoring them because I actually like going to work. There’s no better feeling than stepping outside yourself and helping somebody else. No matter how difficult the days of nursing can be. Nothing tops it. But it’s not happening today. I get that now.
Lupus, you win. For today.
No, actually … you don’t. You just don’t.
Lupus may be able to stop me from leaving my house today, but it can’t keep me from still caring for my people. It just can’t.
So, no I’m not running up and down the halls of a hospital today, I’m home under a blanket praying for you instead. Every single one of you. Did you know that you’re precious to me? Did you know that you’re precious to Him?
That’s my prayer for you today – no matter how you’re feeling or what you’re facing – is that you would be “rooted and established” … grasping the breadth and depth of God’s love for you. What a beautiful truth that is, my friends. Grab hold of it. Find some peace there. Nothing can ever take that love away from you. Nothing.
Thanks for growing with me. ❤
“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:16-19)