On waiting and the harshing of my peace bubble.

20160205_145500-1-21210692561.jpgOne of the challenges of nursing is that every, single thing we do is time-sensitive. Each task has a deadline, and many can have serious consequences if they’re not accomplished within the appropriate time frame. Actually, pretty much everything we do all day, every day can have serious consequences. Nursing is just a profession with an aura of constant pressure looming beneath the surface because we have people’s lives in our hands.

Many of the tasks we do have pre-set “due times”. I have no problem with these. These are the manageable ones that we know about at the beginning of the shift, and can somewhat plan our days around. My overly-organized self really likes these because you know what’s expected and when it’s due. I get an embarrassing amount of comfort from this.

What messes up my beautiful organization, though, are the interruptions. The unexpecteds. These can just happen at any time throughout your beautifully-balanced day and throw everything instantly out of whack.

The thing is, though, with all of these unexpecteds, there is always someone waiting at the other end of it. And they’re interrupting me because there’s something they need me to do.

Now.

It could be menial, it could be life-saving. Sometimes it’s even something absolutely ridiculous. And it could be a patient, a colleague, or a doctor. It really doesn’t matter – whatever it is, they’re waiting for me. Right now. Now. And it doesn’t matter what else is going on, who else also may need me at this very moment.

They’re waiting for me now.

Waiting.

For me.

Right now.

Me.

Now.

And this, my friends, is what absolutely harshes my beloved little bubble of peace.

The perpetual “nowness” of it all can get to me sometimes (obviously). The shifts are long, the interruptions are endless. But … it’s also the nature of nursing. People are at their most vulnerable, and they need you to be there for them. And it’s usually going to be right now.

The beautiful thing is that this morning I’m home, healing.

Everything is still. Just so still. There are no phones ringing, no beeps, no interruptions. And the best part is that the only one waiting for me right now is Rocky who’s convinced that he’s starving again. Don’t fall for it … he’s not.

Isn’t it funny how God created me to utterly crave a life of such order and peacefulness, yet he also led me to a career that absolutely laughs at that?

Yep – it’s hilarious. Not. It’s actually pretty painful sometimes. And there have been a few mid-shift meltdowns to prove just how not funny I actually think this is. And there were witnesses, of course. There always are, right?

But I know that God loves me. He’s teaching me through all my challenges – whether wrestling with Lupus or Nursing or anything else – to not search for peace in my own sense of order.

He’s teaching me to find my peace in Him.

We can all do this, you know. No matter what chaos we’re thrown in the middle of – His peace is always there waiting for us to grab hold. The true challenge lies in us remembering to reach for it right in the midst of all our “nowness”. That’s definitely my great struggle right there. Most of the time it’s much later when I realize just how ridiculously I dropped that ball once again.

But, regardless, today is a new morning filled with new mercies, second chances. There’s quiet here. Stillness. Healing. Peace.

Regardless of what’s going on around us – that peace is always right here wrapped in God’s love. There’s peace here with us today, just like there was yesterday through all those crazy unexpecteds, and just as there will be for all those beautiful tomorrows he already has planned out for each one of us. We just have to remember to reach for it. Be encouraged, my friends.

Thanks for growing with me. ❤

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

2 thoughts on “On waiting and the harshing of my peace bubble.

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