I’ve been wrestling with this one for a few days now, not quite sure how to speak. It’s about pain. I hate it. I really, really just hate it. Between years of studying it, working hard to help treat it, and walking through my own daily battles with it, I just feel like my last few years have been absolutely saturated with pain.
You see, I walk around with this constant, undeniable burning in my heart to help ease people through their pain. I suppose that burn is what God used to lead me to nursing in the first place, and it’s that same burn that has me sitting here right now, sharing with you.
Soothe those hurts, Debi. Lift those burdens. Renew those hopes. Point them to Me. Gently.
Yep, that’s me. I just want people not to hurt. Really. I wish everybody could just stop hurting.
But you and I both know that this isn’t going to happen, right? It’s not. Not on this side of Glory, anyways. Sin ruined any hope of a pain-free existence back in the Garden of Eden.
So we push through this life we’re given as best as we can, lunging after any beautiful moments that happen our way. We bask in the jollies, laughing at everything and absolutely nothing at all … and we just enjoy the joy of enjoying.
Until God just goes ahead and drops that bomb.
Life is changed. In an instant. You’ve lost your job. Lost your spouse. Lost your home. Lost your mind. You’re sick. Your loved one is sick. Your child is suffering. Everything just hurts. It’s all just too much. Nothing is sure. Nothing is stable. Nothing feels safe anymore.
There’s that pain. We’ve talked about this before. That’s it right there. The pain of waiting, the pain of watching, the pain of losing your footing, the pain of trying to ignore its impact – pretending it’s not really there. It’s exhausting. And it hurts. It all just suddenly hurts.
So, while we’re reeling, we reach out and try to grab something to stabilize us – some little something to make it all just go away … hoping to snatch back our normal … anything to help us forget that it’s now been changed. Everything is just changed.
It hurts that we don’t get a vote in the matter, doesn’t it? Or that we don’t at least get to help God schedule the absolute best timing for the bomb dropping? Like maybe a little tweak in the clock or calendar could help soften the blow? Maybe dull the sting a bit?
You can probably tell by now that I’m rather raw with this today. Today I really, really wish everybody could just stop hurting.
I want to be totally honest with you here. I only write about something when I’ve got a solid answer figured out in my heart as to how I can encourage others through it. That’s important to me.
So I went for a walk early this morning thinking about all of this because this subject has been gnawing at me for days now. When this happens, I know I need to write about it. I just know.
But, in my own personal current state of rawness, I’ve not been able to. I’ve been pushing this gnaw away for days, just choking it all back down in my weariness.
You would think after being a Christian for 27 years, I could just sit down here and automatically tap out all the things I know to be true about our God and His mysterious ways. You’d think I could just take all I’m learning through my own personal bomb drops and just turn them right around to encourage you through yours.
That’s pretty much what I usually do here, but not so much right now. At least not today. Not because I doubt or question, but because I’ve just literally not really had the strength to do it. And I still don’t, really.
So I stood looking out over this little lake this morning, feeling guilty about this. Why would I feel the urge to speak, know absolutely what I should say, yet absolutely not be able to say it?
That’s when I felt God’s comfort literally wash over me that, for right now, this is okay. This is from Him. For right now, He just wants me to be held. That’s it. And He wants me to speak this truth to you, as well, my friends. Maybe today is your day to just be held.
Thanks for growing with me. ❤
On days like this, music just does it for me. I can close my eyes, listen, and be soothed. This song “Though You Slay Me” is unbelievable – it says exactly what I would say to you today if only I could, but John Piper says it so much better when he speaks about halfway through. Please take a moment and hear it for yourself. I hope it helps you be held today.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)