There wasn’t even a hint of daylight yet, but I was wide awake with an aching body screaming to get out of this bed. I’ve been fighting to remain at “baseline” while feeling pretty puny for about a week now.
Did you know that Christmas does not stop for puny? Neither does nursing. Nothing does, really.
Time keeps on ticking, lists keep on growing, and panic fights to invade my everything with each new morning’s realization that the world has insisted on continuing to spin – regardless of my weariness and woes.
Slowly, though, through sometimes gritted teeth, Lupus and I are grudgingly reaching a guarded standoff on what my life is going to be like now.
I’m learning to adjust my lists and loosen up my plans – like not making Christmas dinner from scratch this year. My closest loves understand what a struggle this one has been to let go of. Debi has always made everything from scratch.
But, as I sat there in the darkness this morning, I was thinking … Lupus or not … my list is so unbelievably silly in light of Jesus. Really. Have you ever thought about that?
Even if the “big day” is looming. Even if the list of “to-dos” is incredibly long. Even if I’m losing a day of prep time while I’m taking care of patients tomorrow. Even if I haven’t wrapped a single present yet. Even if the laundry still needs folding, even if the bathrooms really, really need cleaning. None of it matters.
For right now … forget the stupid list, Debi.
Forgive yourself for your weariness.
Embrace this stillness.
Breathe Him in.
God sent this song, “Give Me Jesus” by Fernando Ortega, straight to my stress this morning. Its lyrics instantly quieted me right down and stilled my racing thoughts.
I couldn’t help but grieve the incredibly sad stain that our modern ways have placed on top of our sweet Christmas! Why do we let this happen??
I believe there are many others out there like me who are also needing some stillness and peace right now, no matter what your circumstances may be.
So, please, consider taking the time to close your eyes and let the message of this beautiful song speak to your heart. It sure soothed mine today.
Thanks so much for growing with me.
“You can have all this world … just give me Jesus.”
– Fernando Ortega