I’m still just so tired today. I’ve been tired before in my life, but I can tell you right here that there is simply no tired like Lupus tired. Sleep just doesn’t fix this. Vacations don’t help, either. In fact, any change in routine just seems to complicate everything.
Lupus tired just is. And it stays.
Until it finally decides to just calm the heck down and leave you alone for a little while.
Now don’t get me wrong – I am better today than when I wrote my last post, thank you, God. (And believe me, I totally do.) I’ve rested for a few days, taken all my extra meds, and tanked up on some healing bunny snuggles with my beautiful, little Ruby Wren. I was even able to go in and muscle through my entire shift yesterday fueled by the hugs, prayers, and encouragement of my precious home and work families.
But still, the headache lingers, the queasiness persists, and my mind remains shrouded in a thick fog. Yes, it’s even thicker than my normal “Debi” fog that’s been entertaining everyone around me for years now.
Thankfully, my joints ARE less painful and tender today, and I was able to successfully make my own smoothie this morning without any strange fantasies about random visitors coming to save me. There is still a weakness pressing in all around me, though – like I’m moving under water. It’s a bizarre, exhausting resistance that seems to be working against me. Tiring me.
I don’t share my struggles to attract pity for myself or to even scare people with my no makeup, sick-day photos (although the shock value of those IS included for no extra charge).
I share them simply to be honest.
So I open myself up to you, I let you see the real me. I invite you to read my honest thoughts, I want you to feel my honest struggles. Not to make you worry or feel sorry for me, and definitely not to bring you down … no, that’s not it at all.
I share all this to lift you up.
Because I also want you to see my hope. I want you to experience this peace I have. I want you to walk in the same strength that helps me put one foot in front of the other each and every day.
No matter how tired I feel. This strength just keeps me pressing forward. HE keeps me pressing forward. To use all this for Him. Be open. Be honest. Be real. Keep pressing. Keep pointing them not to me, not to my struggles, but point them straight to Jesus.
Thanks for growing with me. ❤
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7)