I was told I have beautiful numbers recently. Yep, I sure was. Believe it or not, this excites me. Actually, it thrills me. Encourages me. It energizes, inspires, and soothes me. And it absolutely terrifies me. All at the same time.
I have to admit, I’ve spent most of my life as a more right-brain, “artsy” type of person. I see beauty. Everywhere. I can’t help it. It’s everywhere.
But numbers themselves have never really thrilled me. Nor did I ever think of them as being beautiful. Or ugly even. They just were. They went up, they came down. Always either negative, or positive. Useful, but definitely not beautiful. Unless they were artistically drawn, of course.
Then came Nursing. And numbers suddenly began to matter. They did. Chemistry and Biology. That’s how God makes us tick. And guess what? It’s all numbers. Really. Numbers are important. They are.
And then came Lupus. My ugly, sneaky bully of a giant. Its appearance has desperately compelled my need to see beauty. It fed and grew it. If I can’t see the beauty, then I have to find it. It’s there. I know it is. God promises. And He told me to show it to others. He did.
So, finally, these two sides of my brain have married. I get it now. I do. Numbers really can be beautiful. Yes, they can.
Until they’re not.
So, I live in a constant state of waiting. Will my numbers be beautiful again next month? Will my status continue to remain quo?
Or will next month be the one where that other shoe will finally drop? The one where I’m told to try to find the beauty in the numbers instead?
Only God knows that. Yes, only God. And He’ll tell me, when it’s time for me to know.
Until then, though, I have to wait. Yes, I do.
Really, we’re all waiting aren’t we? We all have prayers that have been uttered. We all wait for answers. We wait for healing. Or direction. Or strength. Or sustenance.
Maybe we’re waiting for doors to open, mountains to move, or rugged pathways to smooth.
Are we waiting for mercy to show up, trust to be grown, or grace to melt over us, soothing away the hurts?
Or, are we maybe waiting for God to speak the name of that lost loved one? The one who really just has no clue?
Isn’t there someone we all pray for who we hope will come to know Him and be known?
Yes, we all have those. We do. We’re all waiting.
So, how do we wait?
Well … there lies my struggle. Personally, I don’t wait well. And here I am, firmly planted in the midst of a true blue, thumb-twiddling hurricane of a wait storm. And sometimes I think it’s all going to drive me crazy. And there’s not a thing I can do about any of it. It truly is what it is until God decides differently.
But He knows all this about me. He knows my struggles. He knows exactly how to love me. And He knows precisely what I need.
In His sovereign wisdom, He’s taking me not around the storm, but directly through it. And He’s holding me tightly – even through all my crazies.
Finally, He’s revealed to me that He may be asking me to wait right now, but He’s not asking me to be idle. His Word doesn’t just say “Be still.” It clearly reads “Be still, and know I am God.” (Psalm 46:10).
That’s an active “know”.
This means there’s something to do while we wait. No more thumb-twiddling. Nope. He’s compelling us to not just sit and wait, but to know He is God. That means to use our waiting time to not only learn more about Him, but to know Him better.
There’s a big difference.
Through our waiting He’s drawing us closer. He actually wants us to grow closer to Him. He wants us to actively seek out closeness. Not just wait for it to happen.
Just get closer.
Mostly, though, He’s teaching me that there is great purpose to this waiting. And I am not powerless in any of this. Truly. He’s given me much to do, much to learn, and countless ways to share His promises. The same hands that formed me, hold me still. Even today. Praise be.
Thanks for growing with me. ❤
“Be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)
“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (2 Peter 1:5-8)