Someone had closed his door. He woke up all alone in there – old and confused. It had grown dark. He was in a strange bed, in a strange place. He couldn’t get up. He didn’t know how he had gotten there. He didn’t know why he felt so weak. Nothing seemed familiar. He heard noises outside his room – doors opening and closing, footsteps, beeping, ringing, voices. His imagination went wild. What was all that noise? He couldn’t see anything. He becomes consumed with fear. He doesn’t know what to do.
Two rooms away, her door was shut tight. Always shut tight. Keep it closed, she said. She was alone in there. She wants it that way. Her room was dark as night – do not bother her. She only thinks of pain. The pain of her demons. It’s unbearable. Really. She needs relief. Again. Nothing else matters. She needs it now. But it’s not time yet. It’s just not safe. She doesn’t care. She’s consumed with her need. Now. That’s all she sees. Right now. She’s blinded by this pain of her own making. She’s held prisoner inside her own addiction. She doesn’t know what to do.
Down the hall, they keep her door closed – because they love her so much. She’s sick. But they need her well. They’re scared. They form a tight circle around her. To protect her. They fill the room. They watch. They watch me. They watch everything. They ask questions. They want answers. Now. They stand guard. They want healing. They lose patience. What’s taking so long? They want her fixed. That’s all that matters. Just get her fixed. They’re consumed with need. They breathe all her air. She’s thankful. She loves them. But, really, she just wants quiet. She just wants sleep. She just wants air. They close in tighter. Because they love her so much. They don’t know what to do.
The doors are opened. The light pours in. Help is coming. Someone is near. A familiar face! A fresh breeze! Questions fly. Answers are scarce. Only so much is known. Not much can be done. No, it’s still not time yet. Really. It’s just not time yet. We still have to wait. Wait right here. We don’t know when. And, no … we still don’t know why. We may never know why.
So, there she is. That familiar face. The one who opens the doors. The one who comes near. The one who helps. She wants to help. Oh, she’s aching to help. But she’s out of answers. She’s done all she can. She can’t make it better. She can’t make it happen.
But she can be there. A peaceful presence. A calming spirit. A tender heart. They still want to know why. She just doesn’t know why. So she sits with them. She holds their hands. And she points them to Who.
I don’t know where you are today … what you’re facing, what you’ve been through. Life can be really hard, I know. I have dark days myself. Today is actually one of them.
Days like this I’m weak. I hurt. I wish I could know why … I really do.
On days like this I close up tight inside myself. I shut my own door. I only see what’s right in front of me – my weakness. My pain. That headache. The nausea. All this stiffness. It’s all right here with me. So discouraging. Days like today just hurt. They do. But I can’t stay in that place. I just can’t.
I will not panic. No, I won’t.
So, I turn on music. Music that lifts me and lyrics that point me to Him. I play it softly and His comfort seeps through the tightness. It opens me up. It speaks to my heart. It softens my edges and dissolves any seeds of panic threatening my peace. It reminds me that I really don’t need to know why. I don’t. Because I already know Who. Yes … I do. Praise be.
This song by Shane & Shane has gotten me through many of the harder days. I have it on repeat right now as I write. I pray you’ll take the time to close your eyes and let its message soothe your heart. Listen all the way to the end because there’s a special part about half-way through that I pray will at least help to crack open your door.
Thanks for growing with me. ❤
“Though he slay me, I will hope in him …” (Job 13:15)